THIS TIME I'LL MAKE YOU RICH

1974
Italy/West Germany
aka Questa volta ti faccio ricco! (I), Zwei Schlitzohren in der gelben Hölle (WG), Un poing, c'est tout (Fr)
Futuramik (Italy), TV 13 (Munich)
Director : Frank Kramer [Gianfranco Parolini]
Story & screenplay: Francesco Merli, Gianfranco Parolini
Music : Sante Maria Romitelli
Cinematography : Sandro Mancori
Cast : Antonio Sabato (Joe Esposito), Robin MacDavid [Brad Harris] (Scotty McCoy), Karin Schubert (Joyce O'Hara), George Wang (Wang), Rudy Roland, Luigi Antonio Guerra, Mario Garriba, Ling Ping, Lee Chen, Gianni Rizzo (Giorgiakis)

This outrageously silly escapade in the realms of the ridiculous was obviously inspired by the zany films of Bud Spencer and Terence Hill. It actually ends up being rather enjoyable (if you're prepared to switch off at least 75% of your brain), and far preferable to the give-me-a-gun antics of the pitiable - yet successful - Smith and Coby efforts (see the next year's We Are No Angels (Noi non siamo angeli, 75).

Set in Hong Kong, the story follows Joey Esquisito (Antonio Sabato), a hopeless entrepreneur with an eye for the ladies. His erstwhile partner Scotty MacCoy (Brad Harris, hiding behind a peculiar Geoff Capes beard and the even more peculiar pseudonym Robin MacDavid) is a similarly unsuccessful conman.

Continually on the make, they happen to bump into two feuding gang bosses who are apparently up to all manner of nefarious undertakings. Giorgiakis (Gianni Rizzo), a fat Greek who talks with the aid of a voice box, hires them to deliver 'a package' for $3000. They do so, despite the efforts of his opposite number, Wang (habitual Chinese heavy George Wang). Much to their consternation they discover that instead of running drugs or diamonds, they have in fact been ferrying watermelons!

The Greek, however, is pleased with their services, and hires them to deliver another 'package' - two coconuts filled with bags of a white powder. Is it heroin or cocaine? Or is it in fact bicarbonate of soda to aid the benign villain's digestive system? As you'd expect from a knockabout Italian comedy set in Hong Kong, there's an awful lot of fighting in this. Kung fu, karate, punch ups, fist fights - they all come in a frantic procession that, while unquestionably well choreographed, tend to blunt the senses of the viewer somewhat.

There are some nice touches, however, that manage to redeem it from complete worthlessness. The two main characters are pretty likeable - more unusual than it sounds - and are nicely played by the ever reliable Brad Harris and Antonio Sabato, an actor who seems more comfortable in this type of thing than 'straight' drama. The former, playing a Scottish sailor, gets to wear a tartan sports jacket and eats vast amounts of food. The latter wears 1930s gangster clothes and chats up future porn queen Karin Schubert.

The humour - well, it is a Gianfranco Parolini film after all - tends towards the kitschly bizarre. There's a light-relief Chinese sidekick who veers towards the sinister, appearing every five minutes to spout some crap proverb. Best of all, there's a comedy massage scene in which Harris looks pained while a diminutive oriental lassie pounds him into shape.

Once again, Gianni Rizzo steals the show here. This is one of his campest performances, and he gets to show off his prowess as a dancer as well as to wear a variety of snazzy costumes. His career was irrevocably intertwined with that of Parolini (the few films he made for different directors include Sollima's Run Man Run (Corri, uomo, corri, 68) and Face to Face (Faccia a faccia, 67) and they both seem to share a similar trashy sensibility. Although the film would be watchable without him, his presence adds a certain something that manages to move it up from the run-of-the-mill to the enjoyable.

Matt Blake