Director: Varo Venturi
Writers: Varo Venturi, M. Luisa Fusconi, Giacomo Mondadori
Stars: Massimo Poggio, Laura Roman, Marina Kazankova
Being a bit of an idiot, I watch far beyond my fair share of stupid and incomprehensible movies. Indeed, I get a bit of a visceral thrill out of seeing something that exists on that shadowy border between the incompetent and the interesting. Films that are frankly no good but which are made by filmmakers who are obviously demented and are frankly better occupied doing this kind of thing than trying to find a job where, god forbid, they could actually have some impact on other people’s lives. But it’s a tricky balance: more often than not such productions are just dull. And that’s the case with the obscure 2011 release Alien Exorcism, a film that comes in at over two hours (!) and was made for an estimated budget of a million euros (not inconsiderable for an Italian release).
Let me try to summarize the plot, although it’s not going to be easy: a bespectacled but hunky professor (Massimo Poggio) spends his time studying alien abduction. He has come to the conclusion that the abductees he interviews aren’t lying, they have in fact been ‘possessed’ by extraterrestrial beings who live their lives vicariously through their victims. He tries to help a young woman called Saturnia (Laura Glavan) but unfortunately it goes wrong and she becomes a vessel for Hexabor of Ur, an alien being which dates back to the Mesopotamian time and believes itself to be some kind of God. Furthermore, the Professor’s attempts to help Saturnia are hampered by the fact that the authorities – and Saturnia’s own family – are also under the control of the evil aliens.
Christ on a bike, this film is a mess. It’s pretty much the equivalent of being trapped in the corner of a pub while a madman rants at you, but with the addition of bad acting and ludicrous special effects thrown in for good measure. Don’t, however, let that mislead you into thinking that it’s in any way fun, it isn’t. Instead it’s deeply and resoundingly boring, partially because of the nonexistent pacing, but mainly because the script at no point considers the question: just who on earth is going to watch this stuff? It feels like the people behind it are preaching to the converted without realizing that the converted simply don’t exist, and what you’re left with is a half-witted attempt to marry X Files with The Da Vinci Code.